Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
