His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
