dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I love you.
Bad choice
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
