Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
