I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
