Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
