i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
