The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
