He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
