Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think my vagina is haunted
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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