Having a random hookup so left but love u
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
