I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
