My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
