Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
