well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
should my penis look like a turkey
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
