I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
