I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
