I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
handjob tips. give me some.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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