...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
