It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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