why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
