Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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