I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
