Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
