Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Fuck appropriateness.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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