is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
