mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
