Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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