i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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