I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize