Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You took a bar mat shot.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
