Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
