It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Randomize
