Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
