Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
