i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
