Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
