i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
