No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize