So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
