I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
