people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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