my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My cat gives me a boner
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
