I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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