i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
