how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I am one with the molecules
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
