I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
