Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
