It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
