I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
