I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
zippers are such a cool invention
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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