This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
