my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize