I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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