I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
