If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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