I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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