; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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