Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
