she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
