Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
