so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
