I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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