if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
