you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
